Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Upset.

I just need to let off some steam. I always go to my mom with my issues because I don't want to burden my friends, but I can't take it anymore.

So many of my friends are upset about things like boy trouble, yet they have boyfriends and/or jobs lined up for next year--aka, their lives are intact. Here I am, no offers or rejections (I know nothing, at this point) and boys barely even talk to me, and to make matters worse, I cut five inches of hair off today so I look like some 40-year-old conservative lady. In all honesty, I've always had horrible body-image issues; my new haircut is amplifying them by 100 times (as are everyone's spring-break bikini photos).

When is life going to turn up for me? I'm blessed in many ways with my friends and belongings and experiences, but it's running out. I'm near graduation and I have nothing. I'm 21 and still don't have a boyfriend and still don't have a flat-enough stomach for most tops, let alone a bikini. What's wrong with me? I literally only go out to bars and clubs because those are the only places I get attention from guys, and even though it's usually not the right kind of attention, at least it's something.

My life is just so dull and dry right now. I wake up, go to class, go home, do homework, eat, sleep, etc. With no job offer yet, it seems like there's no light at the end of the tunnel, and it feels like I'm in this deep black hole. And all of my friends have significant others to guide them through stuff like this, but I'm all alone. Again, I always question what's wrong with me.

I'm really sorry about this rant, but I just needed to vent and had nowhere else to turn. This wasn't meant to be a self-pity post; rather, I need any encouragement I can get. Emotionally, this has been one of the toughest semesters of my life.

4 comments:

  1. I felt exactly the same way you did near graduation (but for me from Masters.) It's TERRIFYING coming to the end of school with no job. And, in a weird way it strips your confidence faster than anything else. All I can is that this is not it. You will find a job of some sort, and even if it's not the right one... So what? You keep applying, until you do get the right one! I started out working in marketing (ugh), but then almost a year later I fell into the right job. You will find something too! This is not the all important IT, it's just the next step.

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  2. You are an incredible person inside and out! Don't ever doubt that. Things will fall in place. The more you stress, the more things seem worse. Try to breathe :) P.S. send me a photo of your new haircut! I can't believe you are holding out on me, I bet it looks CUTE!! :)

    http://neatly-packaged.blogspot.com/

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  3. Okay, first of all, you're gorgeous. I literally see your facebook photos come up on my screen and I think "wow, Chloe is SO pretty." Secondly, if guys aren't looking your way, it's their problem, not yours. If you are surrounded by guys who are constantly distracted by the tannest, shiniest thing in front of them, then you just happen to be surrounded by shallow men who don't deserve your attention anyway. And admittedly, who wants to deal with a relationship ON TOP of having to deal with job apps and figuring out where to move to?
    People will tell you you need to get your life together right now, but that's not true. You just have to do the next thing. And sometimes the next thing is just waiting.

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  4. Whoa there, girlfriend! If not having a boyfriend or a perfectly flat tummy means you have "nothing," then most of the girls I know don't have anything either! Boys and bellies have nothing to do with your value as a person. And I think you've got a lot to be proud of in that respect :)

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